Go the Socceroos!

There are no words... no words right now to describe the feeling watching the Australia vs Japan World cup game tonight/this morning... wow.... i think i'm in shock. It was enough that we got to the world cup - but to win, and win 3-1, is beyond words.

That goal for japan sure did put them down... as it would! should have been a foul. and for a nail-biting 58 minutes we kept at it, then bam, bam, bam! GOALS!!!!

I'm sitting here, on the lounge, rugged up in my socceroos scarf, and soccer necklace and yellow jumper, as happy as anything and so very proud. I mean we were proud that we got to the wc, but winning a game.... brought a tear to my eye :)

Australian football! We're up there!

Turning a corner

You know what? i've come to the realisation i don't have to justify my feelings to anyone else. People have been telling me, cause i've been miserable about a certain boy, that i need him out of my life, forget about him, move on, etc etc. But i didn't particularly want to, and the more and more people telling me to "cut him out" and live my own life, the more i got convinced it was the right thing. I wasn't strong enough at the time to dispute what they were saying, to disagree. And i should have.

Then come two fantastic people that, at a whim, let me get it out for hours on end (missing his favourite tv show in the process) and talked to me, built me up, calmed me down, and made me think. I got home feeling calmer than i had in months, abit still little upset about what happened that day.

Then came the next day, when two other well-wishing friends kept telling me it was for the best, i should want my own life, to learn from their mistakes, etc, plus a few other things. I suddenly came to the conclusion, after sort of arguing with them for a bit, that i shouldn't have to justify what i do concerning him. They don't know me, like i know me. I would NEVER be able to forgive myself if i didn't try everything in my power to help him, help us, through this, make us better friends, people. I decided i would ignore what most people were saying, and follow my heart. And i haven't felt better for a long time :)

Even couple of the people at work noticed i wasn't as miserable, and the one who let me pour my heart out to her was really happy for me. I'm slowly finding my strength, and i'm gonna help myself, and my best friend, get through this. i'm not gonna let him get to me, being totally honest and letting him know exactly what i want to do, to help me and him both. And thats the way that Erin works things. Should work things.

It might take a long time, and i fully expect it to. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've just got to try, and make him try too.

And now back to the assignment :P i should be writing instead of this :P but it's boring and i would rather study a subject i hate LOL

Life sucks

Yeah, life sucks... but what am i gonna do about it? Vent here, thats what i'm good at, besides, one of my managers told me to vent, i'm too good at keeping stuff inside.

Last week of rostered classes coming up - and that's basically only Pharmaceutics and Physiology - not to mention, however, a report/presentation due on friday, a toxicoloty report due the next monday and a pharmaceutics group assignment due the next wednesday. SO getting pretty busy - but at least i don't really have any classes.

Brothers suck, did i ever mention that? i have two brothers - daryl who's 20 and Glen who's 17 almost 18. Glen's being a bloody pain in the ass. See glens addicted to online gaming - to give him credit, he's good, he's won major tournaments and prizes and stuff. But when he's playing (which is when he's home - always) if anyone even thinks of downloading anything (i tried to get some references for an assignment - BAD IDEA) he'll come and blast you. Doesn't matter that he's been playing all day, no one else gets a turn. Argh, i just want to throttle him!

Then you get onto other topics close to heart and you just want to scream! bash something (my pillows have gotten a beating in the past few days, along with the tears that are always present) and curl up under the blankets. Relationships (in one or out of one or just plain not sure), family, so called friends, work, uni, they ALL SUCK!!!

i think i need a holiday. Plans to go to fiji once exams are over in november, but i need one now me thinks.... or some bloody good stress relief. man i wish i could lay on a beach and not think of anything for a month or so... i need to get away, clear my head, and try to forget the heartbreak that being here represents. Why is it that The Corrs always have a song for my mood - and they must have been through quite a few breakups between them, a lot of songs are sad in a way. I mean, they're still upbeat and stuff. but they have always held a special spot in my musical heart...
Hopelessly addicted- thats me for sure. To a certain boy i'm sure you all know about. Yeah i'm still in love. Its not going away - and its not going to, i don't even know if i want it to.
"love laughs and love can make you cry" (Love gives, love takes) - to anyone who hasn't been in love, you wont understand.
Long night - now this song, upon hearing it a few weeks ago, made me break down in tears - not a good thing when you're driving at 6:45 in the morning on the way to uni. "Its gonna be a long night, and its gonna be cold without your arms." "now i'm all on my own again". If you get a chance, listen to it. Even if some of the words dont apply, it still makes me cry.

Been doing a lot of that lately, actually... i don't remember a time when i haven't cried ... but more so than usual. But my emotions have always been on the sensitive side...

Anyway, i should really go to bed, very tired.

Thought for the day: Loving someone unconditionally doesn't require a reason.

It's been a while....

Hey, long time no post... why is it i always post the night before a test i should really be studying for... i'm the worlds worst procrastinator...

Anyway, my birthday has come and gone, 22 years old, but don't feel it, but i do. if you understand. Life has been very tough... its almost been 4 months since we broke up... and we've hooked up 4 times in the past month. I'm actually ok with the hooking up part, most of the time he's the least complicating thing in my life. But i still love him, i can't stop thinking about him, and i want it back. Although being apart has been good in some respects, having totally honest talks about what we want, feelings, etc. and realising what we should have done better, not done, or done totally differently, has helped a lot. still comes down to the fact i really don't think i'll ever get over him. Whats a girl to do?

Doesnt' help that problems with uni and work are crashing my world. The problems with the pharmacy department at sydney uni during summer school are nothing compared to now...

• people getting screwed over with fees
• lecturers that you can tell aren't lecturers, and really don't wanna be there,
• people who can't give you a straight answer,
• these 3 hour breaks, which starting from monday next week, become a 5 hour break... which leaves you thinking you really don't want to go, have better things to do than waiting for a lecture you know you'll regret waiting for since the lecture sucks anyway.
• the lack of caring from most of the staff (with the few exceptions - go jane)
• the CONSTANT room changes - our room was supposed to be unavaliable for one week after the mid-semester break. 5 weeks later we're still being moved around the pharm department to rooms which are way too cramped. Not to mention we were told the building works would be finished by week 7. Its now end of week 10 and there is no sign of it being finished. Maybe by the time we get back for 2nd semester.
• The way some people feel that life is a competition - seriously, we're all in the same course, there is only 36 of us, surely, people shouldn't be comparing themselves to others, thinking that they're better than other people. I just can't stand people competing like that, makes me feel like shit and really stupid.

And thats probably not all of it. Uni really shits me at the moment, as you can tell. Anyway, onto work :P

I've been on the registers, doing FEC for about 8-9 months now... there is now 3 of us part time FEC (0.3 position its called) and so i was doing every sunday. Since there was two of us doing sundays, who were both FEC, they had us swapping FEC and POS shifts. For one - POS sucks. you stand there all day, not leaving the customer service desk/register 1. Thats your job. stay there. FEC is the one allowed to help where needed, do the cash office, cover breaks etc.

Now, when I am on my POS shift, i stay in the box, unless a manager specifically asks me to do something, and asks the FEC on duty to cover. Fair enough. But for the most part, i stay in my box.

The other FEC, petrina, she's late 20s i think, pregnant for the 2nd time, and never stays in her box - she even gets a seat now. It was getting to the stage i was getting really annoyed that when it was my turn for a FEC shift, i'd end up in the box all day, while she went and did goodness knows what. Taking phone calls from her husband for 10-15 mins, dissappearing, i dunno. But anyway, it ended up, her saying we had to talk after she went off at me. Her husband rang, i put it on a hold number and called it over the PA. For whatever reason, she didn't hear, and she later said "it would have been nice to have been told about it" in that really bitch tone, half yelling. I left the register for my break at this stage.

When i got back, she wanted to talk, so i dragged the manager on, who's a sweetie, into the managers office, and she proceeded to tell me how annoyed she was that i never stayed in the box! OMG! seriously. i'm like, well, no, i stay there, i have witnesses, and you and your phone calls, walks, everything. I ended up breaking down, with all the stress from uni and work and relationships, i couldn't handle it. Luckily the manager let me get it all out.

So at the moment, i had a chat to my manager, and she took me off sunday, put me on sat. Its less pay, since it's not time and a half, but for my sanity, it doesn't matter. maybe i might be doing printworks at some stage, i dunno. But for now, i haven't spoken to her since that sunday, and for that i'm very grateful. I had a good sat last week without her, so much more relaxing :P

But yeah, combine that with relationship problems, friends/so called friends, and stressful uni life, i'm not in a good way. and with the not being well, constant coughing and such, i'm not happy at all. The only time i'm happy is when i'm with jason, hooking up or not... he calms me, makes me feel safe. I don't know if thats a good thing or bad, since we are broken up... sigh.

Does anyone want my life? I've had enough. When you're depressed enough to consider giving up your dream of 7 years... thats when you know its bad.

So this is it?....

Yeah i know its been a while... but life has been busy... and it's finally taken it's toll. After 4 years, 7 months and 17 days, me and jason are no more. It was coming, but it doesn't stop the hurt.
There are so many reasons... but it was mainly, because i didn't listen... i worked too hard, i studied too hard, i ignored the one person who truly understood me, loved me. We became more like best friends who hung out, but loved each other, than the couple who we were supposed to be. So i'm riding the guilt train, and its gonna take a long time to forgive myself.
We're still friends though... we've prob had more resolution about problems since we broke up than when we were trying to make it work.

Normally, i would bitch here... and i have a lot about the pharmacy department at Syndey Uni to bitch about, but i can't be bothered at the moment.

M. Pharm - here i come!!!

OMG what an amazing week. I got into Pharmacy at Sydney!!! i cried... a lot :P totally overly emotional wreck! mum cried. then i cried more... its kinda wierd. I've been wanting to do pharmacy since yr 10... and to finally get into a course to do it, i think was just too much.

But yeah, so i had a great night last night, few drinks, dancing, friends, was great. couple that with a few days off work, and i've had a great week.

cya all later!

Erin Maisey, B.Sc

YAY!!!! all is good in the world (apart from sweltering heat, burnt legs and tiredness :P) I got a 73 credit for Cell pathology and a 75 Distinction for Anatomy! YAY!!! i was so happy.. and so shocked to get those results, esp for anatomy. I was expecting maybe a 60 or something. So i'm stocked. Add to that out of 400 applicants for Sydney Uni Master of pharmacy - i was one of the 50-60 who scored an interview, i'm so happy! Now it's the waiting game to find out if i got in, and that happens before the 23rd dec!

Yeah, so the air conditioner at officeworks blew up on tues after a power surge, along with half the power points in the place, so at work on tues and wed it was like 35 degrees... not the best when the uniform is best suited to midseason/winter, and you've got to climb ladders/stairs for the best part of a 9 hour shift...
and then on thurs we went to the beach. Me, Jason, Jason's QLD friend, Neil and Bec. And needless to say i forgot to do my legs. By the time i got to work at 4, they were quite red. By the time it got to 6-7pm, i could barely walk, and by 8-9 i was in so much pain i wanted to pass out... but luckily kylie was on at work and she doesn't care what we do when it's quiet. Get some painkillers and a spray aloe vera jason bought me, and i could sit and watch Harry Potter: The Goblet of Fire, in peace. (BTW, great movie - they cut lots out, but what do you expect? can you imagine the cost???? Still the movie was fantastic). My legs are starting to calm down now, not so red :P

Last night, from 5-12:40 was stocktake at officeworks. Man i hate those people we hire to count... if they don't want to be there, they shouldn't. There were 5 people who's sections we had to recount ourselves, and one guy who was counting next to me which couldn't say anything without complaining about something... sigh. :P anyway, hopefully all goes well, and we wont' be too out. So thats why i'm tired. I worked out i did 38 hours at officeworks this week, and 9 hours at Erina, so for 47 hours, its understandable.

Anyway, i'm off to play a game... i'm in the mood for playing sims 2 or something

Love ya!